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The Power of Now for Teens
(column three in a series by Alex Jordan)
 Ever dwell on the future or the past? People spend hours reliving hurtful memories or fearing a false future, but they never seem to solve their problems. In The Power of Now, best-selling author Eckhart Tolle explains how the present moment is the only thing that matters. The majority of our suffering comes from the mind, or "the ego," avoiding the present, or "the Now." It sends us into our memories or our anxieties, creating torment.
Resistance to the present, rather than acceptance of what "is", destroys us within. We suffer, feeling resentful, anxious, depressed, even tormented. Because we're teenagers, people attempt to minimize it as "hormones" or "high school drama." Our pain is no different. All that can end with awareness. Our peace, joy, and feelings of connectedness come from within. No amount of success, straight As, or college acceptances can fill that void. Only we can.
Connecting to "Being"
Inner peace is possible for everyone. It is our natural connection to everything around us. Tolle calls this connection to all things in our world (humans, nature, any form of existence) "Being." Connecting with the present and letting go of the torments of the mind brings a person into Being. Its nature is strange. It is not a concept to be memorized. It's a sense of peace and joy to be felt. It doesn't rely on external forces. No AP course, basketball win, or higher GPA will bring you closer to Being. It is always there.
Tolle says: "When you are present, when your attention is fully and intensely in the Now, Being can be felt, but it can never be understood mentally."
The greatest obstacle to Being is identifying with your mind. Thinking becomes compulsive and never-ending. It's like you can't escape your thoughts. The mind labels, judges, likes, dislikes and defines for you everything you see. This is not you. Try this today and for several days after. Listen carefully to that voice in your head. Pay attention to any repeating thought and be there as a witness to it. Tolle calls this "watching the thinker" because you're listening to a voice that is still not you. Don't judge, condemn or perpetuate the voice, only observe.
"You'll soon realize: there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it," says Tolle.
How does the mind, the ego, the voice judge? Think for a moment. When you receive a test grade back and you're hoping for above a 90, and the teacher writes "84" on your paper, what goes through your mind? Does it say something like "You've got to be kidding me. This isn't good enough." Or, before you get it back, do you say, "I'll be happy with anything over 90." This is the ego speaking for you.
Inner peace will not come with a 90, only a fleeting rush until the next test date is announced. However, the student next to you could be ecstatic for anything over 70. Maybe he's not as skilled in math or English as you are. The same grade and class, but two completely different interpretations of a similar grade.
Happiness and unhappiness rely on the mind's labeling conditions as good or bad. Peace, the feeling of releasing yourself from your mind's worries and judgments, does not.
How We Avoid the Present
Do you ever experience anything outside of the Now? Do you ever actually live in the future or the past? You can only be in the Now. Your ego loves to jump around to the past, where you relive old memories or fears or experiences, or to the future, where you linger on those "what if" moments or fret over things that do not exist in the Now. Find yourself saying: "if only I had a 100," "if only our team won the game," "if only [this college] accepted me," "if only my SATs were [this score]," then I could be happy, peaceful, and okay with my life." The ego compares "what is" to what it labels as "what should be."
Resistance, stress, negativity perpetuate in the Now. The ego needs to resist, to compare, to judge in order to survive. It needs the past and the future so it can avoid the Now. The ego creates suffering in the present.
"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence," says Tolle.
Experiencing the Now
Freeing yourself from your ego is possible. At first, it may only last a few seconds, the feeling of intense presence and awareness. Tolle says to focus on your breath and wait for a thought. As you are waiting for your next thought, you see how none will come. Be present and aware of your surroundings and your body. See how lucid things are when you're not clouded with anxiety of the future or past.
Soon, your mind may slip back into its familiar pursuits, seeking attention to something you need to do later or something you were thinking about earlier. That is okay at first. For most people, it seems normal to allow their thoughts to control their presence, but once you are aware that you've lost the Now, you fall back into it. Awareness induces awareness.
As you become more in tuned with the Now, you lose the incessant need to find happiness in the external. "You no longer pursue your goals with grim determination, driven by fear, anger, discontent, or the need to become someone," says Tolle.
For most students, this line holds true. If it is not you, you could name a classmate who studies only for the grade, needing it to keep him or her afloat. One wrong move and their eyes revert from anxious to devastated. They see their grades as their only way to happiness, never moving beyond that.
Cycles of Life
Tolle emphasizes how nothing in the external world is permanent. Failure cannot be without success and vice versa. Even when we improve, or grow, there is always a period of decline, where things seem to "fall apart." Too much growth is cancerous; too much dissolution can ruin as well. The way things work is strange. When a condition (test grade, college, track time) is labeled as "good," the ego attaches to it and looks toward it as a source of contentment, but the same thing that gives this sense of excitement can cause unhappiness. Once the condition changes or disappears, the mind cannot accept it and resists.
"The same condition that made you happy then makes you unhappy."
Joy is not something to be found, Tolle notes. It arises from within. It is there in the present when you are freed from your mind's labels, judgments, likes, and dislikes blocking you.
Goal Setting and Career Searching
Once we are in the Now, we can better achieve or perform. Being in the present moment without the past or future clouding our judgment sharpens our thinking. Goals are transformed, their changes two fold: they no longer control us, and we begin to appreciate each step of the journey toward a goal as beautiful and special. Initially, goals are an important part of life, guiding us toward our passions and empowering us to grow.
For most students, their goals start to become compulsive, burdening them every second. Instead of improving themselves, students see their goals as expedients, a means to an end. They lose sight of each step of the process toward their goal and disregard the present in favor of a "better" future. Misery in the present or elusive happiness in a mind-made future?
When I was a freshman, I strived for the highest average I could attain. In September, I told myself, "I'm going to get an average in the high 90s. I'll do whatever it takes. Once I see my report card, then I'll be happy." Those first few months, I studied arduously, counting each error on a test as a block to my happiness. My goal went from a aspiration to a source of power for my ego. I hardly remember October or November because I only focused on the future. Two months of my childhood I'll never get back. My grades controlled me. All I had was my anxiety. Then, when December arrived, I did achieve my goal, but that's all it was, a means to an end. By Christmas break, I was already fearing the second trimester. Literally, my life depended on my grades.
Don't let this happen, no matter what your goals are. For many students, grades are important to them, but they fall into a vicious cycle of cramming during the night and dazing off during class. They lose what education was meant to be, a source of knowledge. By being in the Now and knowing you can be happy in the present, goals become exciting again. More importantly, you focus on the journey, moment by moment, the only way life should be experienced.
As you take each step, you'll how a goal is only meant to improve your present moment, not torture you by dangling an imaginary, "perfect" future that always out of reach. Throughout high school, and college, Campus Calm emphasizes to search for your passion. By staying present and freeing yourself from your ego, you can better evaluate what your choosing to do with your life, rather than feeling obligated to achieve whatever goal your ego pushes you to do.
If a student loves American History, but wants to get a 100 on every test for his GPA, the subject is ruined for him. It becomes a chore, an expedient, a means to an end. His favorite topics become another block of words to regurgitate. Then, he may think the subject is awful because his ego blocks him from being happy. If he would stay in the Now, freeing himself from his ego, he could see studying as an opportunity to further engage himself in history. His view would be completely different, and new career options would open for him.
I hope you take away these two things.
1. The Now is where everything exists. Peace and joy lie only in the present. Being is felt through the present.
2. Resisting reality causes stress. Accept reality as is, and let go of your expectations and "if only" thoughts.
Fast Facts About Alex
Age: 17
Residence: Long Island, New York
Class Year: Junior
School: Kellenberg Memorial High School
Interests: Surfing, Alternative Music, Aldous Huxley
Top Stressors: Grades, Balancing Extracurriculars, Time Management
Top Stress Relievers: Skateboarding, Running, Watching Indie Films
Like this article? Click on the Campus Calm Forum here and let Alex know. In the forum, you can ask Alex questions and leave feedback and he will personally respond. Good luck everyone!
© 2010 Maria L. Pascucci /Campus Calm.
About the author:
Maria Pascucci is the President of Campus Calm –
the international online-community for today's stressed-out students, and
their parents and educators. Download your Stress-Less Kit with 4 FREE
gifts at www.campuscalm.com.
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