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*I originally wrote this article for publication in The Buffalo News in 2003 when I was a struggling 23-year-old freelance writer. Through this trying experience as a substitute teacher, I certainly discovered what I didn't want in a career. However, I moved one step closer toward figuring out what I do like. Plus, we all need to laugh at ourselves once in a while. So have a laugh on me! :-)
I once read that a writer should allow herself distance from an event before trying to write about it, in order to gain perspective. A few months' distance allows me to share my traumatic story of my one-day stint as a substitute teacher.
The income of a freelance writer -- especially a beginning one -- is nothing to brag about, so my family has been nudging me daily to go into the "practical" teaching profession where steady paychecks, retirement packages and summers off command reverence. I needed a few extra dollars, so I decided what better way to see if I could ever be a teacher than to put myself on a local sub list.
I guess some school districts are desperate for subs, because all I needed was a bachelor of arts degree and a desire to work. I never took a teaching class in my life.
A week later, I toppled out of bed as my phone rang at 5:40 a.m. (Did I mention that I'm not a morning person?) Two and a half hours later, I crept into a third-grade classroom -- and discovered my personal hell.
Don't get me wrong, I like kids, but being in charge of 21 active 9-year-olds terrified me. When I scribbled my name on the chalkboard, I knew I was an impostor. The kids sensed my fear and ate me alive.
Their regular teacher left me a lesson plan, the first one I had ever seen. Spelling test, reading time and completing yesterday's writing assignment would fill out the day. Easy enough, right? Not quite.
The kids wouldn't sit at their desks long enough for me to take attendance, much less take the spelling test. To fully grasp the comedy of this scene, visualize the movie "Kindergarten Cop." I tried to read to them from their assigned book. I was painfully informed that the story was boring. I attempted to play a word game with them on the chalkboard. That kept their attention for about two minutes.
One little boy tugged at my arm and asked, "Can I go to the bathroom?" A chorus of bathroom requests followed. Another boy, wise beyond his years, whispered, "This is your first time doing this, isn't it?"
A girl asked, "Are you sure you're a teacher? You look like a high school student." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I laughed.
When I escorted them to the cafeteria amidst cries of, "He took my lunch money," and "She called me an idiot," I contemplated a mad dash for my car. I was in way over my head. Other teachers sensed my despair. A few pitched in to help. I wouldn't have made it through the day without them.
In the afternoon, the kids were so loud that the principal charged in to take control. The kids swooped to their seats. One little girl started crying. The principal asked me what they were supposed to be doing. I sheepishly informed her about the writing assignment they "swore" they had completed.
With true Gestapo swiftness, she demanded to see their notebooks. They creaked open blank pages. She told them how disappointed she was in them. She scolded them. She never cracked a smile. She was brilliant. She made me feel as though I, too, should have done the assignment.
I don't know how, but I made it through the day alive. Now I write with renewed vigor. I'll joyfully send out queries and article submissions, not knowing if they'll ever be accepted. The next time I enter a classroom, I'll be in the student's chair.
Teachers, you deserve far more than summers off. I salute you.
About the author:
Maria Pascucci is the President of Campus Calm - the award-winning online-community for today's stressed-out students, and their parents and educators. Download your Student Life Stress-Less Kit with 4 FREE gifts at www.campuscalm.com. A summa cum laude college graduate, Maria is also the President of the International Campus Calm University Student Association at CampusCalmU.com.
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