"Hi Maria, I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for four years now and have found this year to be especially difficult with the transition into my freshman year of college. My mom heard about your website and thought that she would pass it along to me. When I first looked at it, I thought it was an interesting concept and signed up for the mailing list. I didn't really think much more about it after that. Probably a week later I was having a really rough day, i was homesick, stressed and down in the dumps when your newsletter popped up in my mailbox. It was one of the most encouraging sights just to know that there are people out there who are going through the same thing as me and who are struggling as well. Your newsletter always comes at the perfect time, when I need it the most. Thanks for all your hard work in bringing awareness to stress and anxiety issues. Keep up the good work!"
~J.A., college freshman
"Hello! Normally I'm not one to e-mail folks out of the blue, but your articles on perfectionism in college were really spot-on with what I go through during my daily college grind. :)
Today is the first day of my Spring Break and, moreso than going on vacation or generally goofing off with friends, I was excited to not have any exams or assignments to stress over. Unfortunately, I got an unpleasant surprise when I checked my mid-term grades; of my 19-hour credit load, I got a B+ in one of my classes. Horror! I type that with sarcasm, but I all the same I can still feel a familiar knot of stress growing in my stomach.
Never mind that a 19-hour load is a very strenuous course load. Never mind that many of my classes are in creative pursuits, all of which are subjective. Never mind that the B+ is for a photography class and I've never held an SLR camera before mid-January.
It's really, really frustrating. All I can think is, "Oh God, I'm going to lose my perfect 4.0. It's my junior year--why couldn't I hold out three more semesters?" Which, honestly, is ridiculous. But just because I'm cognizant of the fact that my mind is wired a bit funny doesn't mean that I know how to fix the break.
(Not only that, but it's only mid-semester. I still have plenty of time to transform that B+ to an A. I just can't help but play the pessimist.)
I know that I'm naturally wired to be an overachiever. One incident that, today, I still can't believe: after being in a terrible car wreck and breaking my wrist bad enough to require surgery, I still typed my papers one-handed and turned them in early. Even after my professors kindly granted me a grace period. WTF?
I suppose all of my rambling is just to say: I feel you, man. It's good to know that I'm not so strange after all. I wish I could lighten my stress load--I still haven't figured that out--but your story definitely spoke to me. I'm trying to accept my faults. I'm trying to embrace my love of learning. Grades are just my sticking point.
-J.
(Even after typing out my life's story, a little train of thought is still running through my head: "B+, B+..." Gah! :p)
~Jessica, a college junior attending college in South Carolina
"I stumbled upon your website while surfing the internet,
and I almost cried when I read your biography. It felt like I
was reading my own. I am a junior in college majoring in biology/minor
in chemistry. I make myself sick if I receive anything less than
an 'A' on tests. I put my entire self worth and identity into
my academic accomplishments trying to prove to everyone that
I am talented. I am an obsessive perfectionist when it comes
to school. Your story really inspired me and I love your website."
~Shelly, a student living in Tacoma, Washington
"Maria,
I just read your article on perfectionism & it was as if I wrote it myself. Your story exactly mirrors what I am currently doing to myself. Nothing is ever good enough, a 94% is disappointing. I always feel I should have done this....or I could have done better, etc. I have gotten to the point that I am now taking medication to help with the anxiety. I don't know why I do it. I am sitting here afraid to complete this hugh project worth 50% of my grade because I am afraid it won't be "good enough" Right now, I feel completely 100% burned out & fresh out of any creative ideas. Why? I have a 3.95 GPA & now I am terrified of "blowing it" AHAHAH. How can I give this up & not let it rule my life?"
~Carrie, anonymous college student
"Maria,
I recently graduated summa cum laude. I googled summa cum laude and up popped your story. I loved it. What you went through matches how I feel, too worried about doing well, to stop and enjoy. I printed the story for my teenage daughter, still in high school. She screamed, "Yes, that's me"! By going through it, you know what the stress is like. It's nice to know someone else has gone through what we are going through. I am glad you are reaching out and helping others. Your service is needed more than you know.
Thank you Maria!
~
Robin
"Dear Maria,
I just read your story about whether it's worth it to chase the summa cum laude status. The story moved me.
I too achieved that illusive 4.0, and in the end, I don't know if it was worth it. I gave up so much to be at the top and it was a lonely place to be. The many nights that I rejected offers to go out and make friends made me a loner. The people who wanted to hang out with me were only there to copy my homework or wanted me to tutor them.
When I tell people I have a 4.0, people are impressed at this seemingly impossible achievement but I think it's quite over rated. I did it to prove to my parents that I was worthy of their admiration and love. I did it to prove that women can achieve the highest honors in a male dominated field (computer science). I also did it to prove to myself about my own self worth.
Today, I am happier reaching for goals that are motivated by happiness. My type A personality still makes me inclined to be perfect but I now know better how to strike a balance. I'm so glad you shared your summa experience with the world. You wrote the things that I could not express. I thought that all achievers just go through life achieving and never questioning but then when I did question, I realized that there were many unanswerable questions. They weren't as easy as the tests that I aced in school. Kudos for your achievement; it provides a platform for people who feel the same way but hadn't the opportunity to talk to them. Sometimes all we need to know is that we're not alone and we're not the only ones feeling this way. Thank you for that.
~Stephanie, college graduate, Drexel University
"I found your article on the pursuit of perfection quite helpful and something that I can really relate to. During my law degree I worked myself to a stand still in an attempt to achieve a summa cum laude pass. After achieving this I was awarded a scholarship to study in the US. During my second semester in the US both my mind and body finally reached breaking point and I ended up in a mental health facility for two weeks. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I had apparently suffered a manic episode. This was the scariest thing I have ever endured and I was convinced that I was going to die. Its been 6 months since my diagnosis and I have had no reoccuring episodes. I think my breakdown could be attributed to pushing myself over the edge to achieve perfection in my studies after other aspects of my life were spinning completely out of control. So I am writing this to thank you for sharing your experience on line so that others can be enlightened and can hopefully escape having to learn things the hard way."
~Lisa, anonymous recent college graduate
"I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciated your piece "In
Pursuit of Perfection" on the Campus Calm website. During high school
and my first year in college, I suffered some of the psychological
damages from overstressing about everything, from academics to eating.
I have been working to try to regain control over those aspects of
my life, and your article helped to put some things into perspective.
It is unfortunate that there are so many students who feel such immense
pressure to be perfect at everything. Thank you for making a difference;
your article is a good wakeup call."
~Christopher W.
"Maria:
I stumbled across your website and think it is an excellent idea filled with
information for students. Currently, I am an adjunct instructor with
Cleveland State Community College in Cleveland, TN. The majority of
my students work and attend college. I am going to suggest they visit your
website. It is filled with information. I also have two sons in college,
which I will direct to your site.
Thanks for doing such a great job on your website."
~ Dorothy Bley
"I enjoy going on Campus Calm's website and reading up on the newest pieces you
have written. It's always nice to hear another person's opinion and things that
may be going on in their life; it really helps you feel/know that you aren't
alone. I also really like the quick service pieces like, "5 Stress Busters Every
Student Needs Now." I have recommended Campus Calm to all of my suitemates
and a group that I am in here at school, with the hopes that they will check
it out and find it as helpful as I do."
~Heather Schaffer
"Maria,
I'm a 22-year-old girl from China who accidentally visited your website at the
mid-night. I so so like your words, by seeing them, I can see the lovely girl's
image behind them. I thought I should write to thank you because your sweet
words give me the strength and confidence for the future!
Thank you so much!"
~ Irene Chang
"Hi Maria, I would just like to write you and say thank you so much for creating
this web site. It's about time I've found it! I've been a stressed
out high school student for 3 full years now, and the past year
and a half I have also been going to college. I keep my self very
busy with school, and always strive to do my best. I used to be
a lot worse than I am now. After taking a college class where I
was glad to get a C on a test I learned that you don't have to
do great on everything. Usually I am always trying to get A's but
in that class I was just trying to pass it. It was probably one
of the most difficult classes I have ever been in, but I managed
to pass it and learn that good grades don't matter all that much,
just as long as you are trying your hardest. Even though I know
that, I still get over my head in work sometimes and stressed out."
~Aubrey, 19-year-old college student
"Maria, I've gotta tell you, the class list comes out and shows who's on the
top and you try so hard to be in the top 20. The top 15 - all their averages
are at least 100. Sometimes when I'm studying, I'll say, 'I don't get this, I'll
never remember this for the test. What about the SATs? I'll never get into college.
I'll never be successful.'"
~Rachel, 17-year-old high school student living in Buffalo, New York
Want to contact Maria Pascucci, President & Founder of Campus Calm, for an interview? E-mail maria@campuscalm.com or call 716-510-4402 (eastern standard time).
Want to see what the experts are saying about Campus Calm and Campus Calm University? Click here.
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