Support is everywhere

A lot has changed since I was in high school. We didn’t have cell phones or Ipods, and used pay phones and cassette players instead. We also didn’t discuss GLBT issues or offer support to GLBT students, either.

Today, more and more high schools are adding Gay/Straight Alliance groups than ever before. There are also plenty of national nonprofit organizations that were created specifically for GLBT kids. For example, Campus Pride is a national nonprofit organization that helps to create a safer college environment for GLBT students. The primary objective of Campus Pride is to develop necessary resources, programs and services to support GLBT and ally students on college campuses across the United States. There are even GLBT-related student conferences that take place at different colleges and universities throughout the school year. Students can attend these conferences in order to interact with other GLBT students from other cities and states, engage in thought-provoking conversations, attend educational workshops, and learn how to spread positive GLBT awareness at their own school.

I wasn’t out in high school because I felt as though I didn’t have the support that I needed in order to come out. As a result, I struggled in isolation. But kids today have access to some amazing resources so that they don’t have to deal with their sexuality alone. The support resources that are available for GLBT students today are incredible. Organizations like Campus Pride, Campus Calm and others are paving the way for a generation of positive change and acceptance.
If you feel isolated or alone, take some time to explore the networks of support that exist around you. Visit Campus Pride’s website. Talk to a GSA advisor, or attend a GSA group meeting. If there is no GSA group in your school, talk to your school counselor or visit your local GLBT youth organization. It doesn’t matter which avenue of support you choose, the important thing is that you take advantage of the support. Whether it’s a local or national organization, a group at your high school, or even a teacher or a friend, reach out to someone. You’ll find that support is everywhere. You don’t have to struggle in isolation. Not now … not ever.

I have seen how far the GLBT community has come since I was in high school. And it makes me giddy with anticipation to see how much further we can go from here. I have no doubt in my mind that upcoming generations of GLBT students will feel more empowered than ever before, and they will be able to accomplish great things in school and in life.

~ Lyndsey D’Arcangelo
GLBT Student Stress Expert, Campus Calm

Speaking up will give you power

While interacting with different high school and college students at certain GLBT events, I always ask how the “climate” is at their school. The “climate” refers to the level of support and acceptance of the entire school regarding GLBT students and related issues. While some students report that their school or college is very supportive and that being gay is a non-issue, other students have a very different story to tell.

“Our school is horrible,” they tell me. “There is little to no support, and kids still get bullied in the halls.”

Unfortunately, this isn’t an isolated situation. While many high schools and colleges are doing their part in order to raise GLBT awareness, others aren’t doing anything at all. If you are a GLBT student who attends a high school or college that doesn’t have a supportive “climate,” you may feel as though there is nothing you can do about it. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. You have the power within you to be a catalyst for change. If you sit back and let other students talk down to you, or dictate how you are supposed to feel about yourself, then you are giving away your power. You can reclaim your power and self-confidence simply by speaking up. Talk to a guidance counselor at your school and tell him or her what is going on. Find out what you can do in order to increase GLBT awareness and support at your school. You could start a Gay/Straight Support Group, write an article for your school or local newspaper, start a blog about your experience, or even create a support group on Facebook. All of these things can lead to positive change at your high school or college. Try it for yourself and see what happens.

~ Lyndsey D’Arcangelo, GLBT Student Stress Expert, Campus Calm

Straight support makes all the difference in the world

Many straight students often wonder how they can help support other GLBT students and friends. The answer is quite simple: offer your unconditional support. However, many GLBT students automatically assume that they will lose their friends and support network once they come out of the closet. This couldn’t be further from the truth. For many GLBT students, their network of support will actually expand.

I know what it is like to live in fear of losing your friends. That is the exact reason why I chose to stay in the closet during my college years. Looking back, I know that I could have made things a lot easier on myself if I had just reached out to my friends, instead. They often tell me that they were waiting for me to make the first move, and that they would have been there for me every step of the way. That is why it is important for straight students to vocalize their support. Had I known that my friends wouldn’t have cared about my sexual orientation, and would have been there to help me through it, then I would have gladly confided in them.

If you are a straight student who has a close GLBT friend or know someone who may be struggling with his or her sexuality, the following tips will help guide you on how to offer positive support so that you can work through the stress together.

• Vocalize your support. If you have a close GLBT friend who is still in the closet and doesn’t feel comfortable talking about his or her sexuality just yet, you can offer your support without making them feel uncomfortable. Simply tell them that you will be there for them no matter what, and if they ever need to talk to you then you will be there to listen without judgment. You can even generalize this by saying something like, “I know you are struggling with something. Whatever it is, I can help you through it. Whether it’s stress, a relationship, sexuality or anything. I’m here for you.” This will take the fear of losing your friendship right out of the equation, and your friend will be more willing to open up to you and lean on your shoulder.

• Join your college GSA group. If you would like to offer your support to GLBT students, you can join a Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA) group on your college campus. If there isn’t one available, then you can be the first to organize one and set a precedent of positive support and community at your school. GSA groups are a great way to interact with students of diverse backgrounds, which helps breakdown needless stereotypes and strengthens networks of support.

• Pay attention. If you notice that a GLBT student is having difficulty at school, whether struggling with grades or exhibiting addictive tendencies, pay attention. It may be that they are acting out simply because they are not ready to ask for help. Bring up the issue in conversation and let them know that there are other, more positive ways for dealing with their personal issues.

• Educate yourself. The most important thing that you can do as a straight student in supporting GLBT students is to educate yourself as much as possible on GLBT issues. Find out why certain stereotypes exist, learn about GLBT history, and familiarize yourself with the current real world issues that GLBT individuals face on a regular basis. True compassion for another person of a different race, culture or sexual orientation always begins with education.

~ Lyndsey D’Arcangelo, GLBT Stress Expert, Campus Calm

Self-confidence starts with self-acceptance

For GLBT students, the average high school and college experience can be a bit more challenging. Not only do we struggle with the everyday stress of getting good grades, but we also have to deal with the social aspect of coming out and acceptance of our peers.

As a way to avoid the additional stress, I was not “out” in high school. The social climate back then was a bit less accepting than it is now. But that isn’t the reason why I stayed in the closet. The primary reason was because I was not ready to accept myself fully. Basically, I hardly new myself at all, and because I chose to hide my true self throughout high school and college, my grades, health and social life were directly affected.

From the time I could pick up a pen, I knew I wanted to be a writer. But I never believed in myself enough to pursue it. I always felt that I wasn’t good enough, or that writing a novel was an impossible dream. I didn’t understand that the reason I felt I wasn’t “good enough” is because I hadn’t accepted myself for who I was. It had nothing to do with being a writer at all. It had everything to do with being gay. I lacked confidence in all areas of my life because I thought being gay wasn’t “good enough.” How could I expect to succeed and accomplish my goals if I didn’t appreciate and accept myself? The answer is simple — I couldn’t.

It wasn’t until after I graduated from college and came out, that I realized how important self-acceptance really is. Self-acceptance is the cornerstone for anyone who has dreams and aspirations. It is often the final roadblock we have to move before we are able to reach our goals. But once it is out of the way, the path to success is open and clear. When I finally stopped trying to be something I wasn’t, and embraced myself fully, only then did my self-confidence begin to grow and my goals became reachable. I no longer cared what others thought about me. With a newfound sense of pride and acceptance, I knew that I could accomplish anything I put my mind to. And only then did I finally believe I could be a writer.

Since then, I have gone on to write for local and national publications, published two young adult GLBT novels, and started my own freelance business. But I know that none of these accomplishments would have come to fruition without self-acceptance. There is no “right” time to come out of the closet. It’s a journey that is unique and different for every GLBT individual. But self-acceptance can begin today. You don’t need anyone else’s permission to accept yourself. Focus your energy into embracing who you are, and watch what happens. The results will amaze you.

~ Lyndsey D’Arcangelo, GLBT Expert, Campus Calm