With the promise of summer around the corner, studying feels nearly impossible. Having to stay inside when the weather outside is beautiful is no easy task. At the moment, I’m stuck inside at work, and am more than ready to spend the rest of the day outside as soon as I can.
So today, once again, I’m going to delve into a topic that is slightly personal. The opportunity that Maria has given me, to write to other young women in order to remove the stigma around prevalent mental health issues, is one that I do not intend to waste. So it’s for this very reason that I’m sacrificing my personal idealized front of myself; I’m hoping that by spilling out my problems to the world, something good will come of it. There’s a subtle power in the ability to free the self from unrealistic expectations and be open to your flaws; a quiet type of power that envelops everything you do and say, big or small. It’s comforting.
So, as some of you may know, I will officially be living in Argentina for five months next semester. It’s famous for its wine, cultural richness, and winter sports (it’s located at the foot of the Andes). I am so incredibly excited to finally be traveling, to be actually taking a risk that I’ve always wanted to take. But, as I have previously mentioned, I’m scared as hell. It’s like nothing I’ve ever done.
Even more, the school year ending isn’t exactly easy on the nerves either. I won’t see my friends for over half of a year. I absolutely love my school, my friends, and my life here, and being without it for so long is like letting go of something you love; bittersweet. I already feel a little bit homesick. To make this blog post even more personal and embarrassing, the person I feel the most scared to be away from is someone I never even spend time with anymore; my ex-boyfriend. I highly doubt he’ll ever read this post, but if he does, maybe he’ll understand how much I love him, even though I know we shouldn’t be together. It’s a funny thing, the ability to love someone because you know everything about them, how they are, how they grow, and their flaws…it’s not despite these things, it’s heightened be them. It’s a calming feeling, free from jealousy and despair and want. No matter how old I am, how different we become, I will always feel a sense of calm and peace when he’s around.
It’s because of this very feeling that I’m scared to leave this University for so long. I feel like I will finally have to move on, to lose someone that has been a central factor of my life for the past two years. And this is healthy, I know it is, but it is a conscious effort for me to embrace this change with open arms; cliché, I know. But it really is a struggle.
So, enough of this sob story, right. I’m sorry for how personal and irrelevant my blog posts always become.
But basically, what I’ve learned from this emotional rollercoaster is that the only person you should ever rely upon to be happy is yourself. Yes, I love my life here and the people in it, but they’re not going anywhere; I will never be truly alone. I can keep the feeling of peace that I have while around the people here that matter to me within me, to draw upon when I need it. I feel that I have almost found the balance between loving others and loving myself; at one point, you simply have to take the leap alone in order to truly understand yourself; studying abroad is going to do this for me, I can feel it. Everyone has their journey that they must take. Mine just so happened to bring me here, and will take me to adventures snowboarding in the Andes in the fall. And trust me, if I can let go of everything that I know, you can too.
So, true to form, I’ll leave y’all with a quote. It’s what inspired me to write this, even though it’s a pretty touchy topic to put on the internet. Well world, you’ll just have to deal with it I guess.
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses, no one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours-it is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins”. – Bob Moawad
LeadHer™ Intern, Campus Calm™
Learn more about Lily here.