Being in a Relationship with … YOURSELF!
By Barbara McRae, MCC
Most people don’t think about having a healthy relationship with themselves. It takes a tremendous amount of self-love and courage to want to cultivate a relationship with yourself. It’s much easier to write off self-love as selfish and be done with it!
Yet people who take the time to know themselves well and turn to their inner wisdom for guidance, have much more satisfying and healthy relationships with others. This is especially true for ADDers who are more prone to having a shaky self-image. Coupled with a strong dose of compassion, it’s easy to jump into a relationship with the intention to “save” or “fix” others. Thereby, placing too much emphasis on the needs of others!
It all starts by acknowledging that the only permanent relationship you have is with yourself (and your Creator). It’s also the most important and precious one you’ll ever have. So you might as well make it a good one. The trouble is, though, that rarely does anyone know how to love themselves without getting some help.
Begin by getting to know yourself better; become an observer. Know what you like about yourself to offset those times when you’re tempted to beat up on yourself. Self-observation will also help you realize how you are getting in your own way; this way, you’ll start catching it earlier, giving you a chance to veer away from your “pot holes” before you end up in a rut.
You see, your life can’t REALLY get good …
1. When You Give Your Power Away
• You make someone or something else more important
• You worry about what others think
• You link your happiness to another person
• You don’t listen to your intuition
INSTEAD: Become your own authority on you and your life.
2. When You Believe Struggle is Necessary
• You create drama in your life
• You settle for less
• You get stuck in the past
• You live life by default
INSTEAD: Stay focused on what you want; no distractions!
3. When You Buy into Old Programming
• You believe there is not enough (scarcity)
• You fixate on the dark side of the news (negativity)
• You address the symptoms instead of the root cause
• You forget that you are a spiritual being having a physical experience
INSTEAD: Appreciate what IS working in your life.
4. When You Don’t Plug Your Energy Leaks
• You would rather be “right” than “happy”
• You focus on what you DON’T want (worry, fear)
• You focus on the problem instead of the solution
• You are surrounded by “energy vampires”
INSTEAD: Make choices that are in alignment with your goals.
5. When You Attempt to Prove Yourself to Others
• You keep looking for approval
• You are living someone else’s life
• You measure yourself to unrealistic standards
• You compare yourself to others
INSTEAD: Remind yourself of your positive aspects.
The secret to learning to love yourself is to fall in love with yourself. As Lucille Ball said “Love yourself first and everything falls into line.” Focus on what makes you YOU and delight in that! Whatever it is that you want to be acknowledged for by others, do this for yourself. Once you can do that, you’ll find a healthy balance between being in a relationship someone and attending to the rest of your life.
Without a deep appreciation for yourself, it’s nearly impossible to reach your true potential. Let your love grow by learning to see the beauty in everything, starting with yourself.
~ Barbara McRae, MCC
20-Somethings ADHD Expert, Campus Calm™
(c) Barbara McRae